Murphy is Laughing, Too
by DeZia of Abiquiu
Summary: A CalvinandHobbesesque tale in which two WAYTOOSMART for their age little boys antagonize eachother. Next time HE won't be so lucky. Cowritten with RamJak Silver.


**Murphy is Laughing Too**

So… it was a "just one of those days" day. Just another day of crackling electricity, singed hair, sore arms, guzzling energy drinks, getting arc flashed by the electric welder, blaring music and constantly fabricating and changing plots to take over the world worked as a sort of mental backdrop for the whole thing. Just another REGULAR day. When in comes down to it, a regular day is welcome every once and a while. Even if it burns holes in your favorite shirt.

It is when one is attempting to BADLY mend those burn-holes that they learn a lot about themselves, the first profound discovery of self being that said "self" can't sew for crap and the second that needles hurt when they prick. The third fact uncovered is that for some reason, your "self" likes x-shaped stitches because they look cool even if they are done poorly. The fourth and final discovery is that the entire endeavor was a waste of time… but it made my shirt look cool. And that makes ME look cool.

If there were any other discoveries of the inner psyche, they were hiding. They probably didn't like sewing either. I don't blame them.

They do, however, like building robots. Build, build, weld, build, think, weld, GIVE ME THAT WRENCH MINION, hey that sounded kind of cool. Try saying it again, this time, WITH FEELING. I AM ON THE PATH TO INNER DISCOVERY AND DOMINATION OF THE WORLD.

Melodramatics aside, I got a lot of work done.

Score.

And I found I had a talent for acting which doubles my coolness factor.

Double score.

It was time to pull together some of that unused energy and break into the prerequisite random bout of song and air guitar. It made me look like a total MORON, but what did I care? The music was good and no one could see me. It was really fun anyway, for all I cared, someone could walk right in that door and…

You know Murphy's Law, right? Let me say right now I HATE Murphy like vampires hate garlic. I bet Murphy smelled like garlic, too.

I ALSO bet my mom let this kid in, Mom lets ANYONE who says they're my friend in the house. I knew him, true, but he was not a FRIEND. He was my ARCH NEMESIS. I didn't notice that he was there until I slid on my knees to a halt RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM.

He had his lighter out. Flicked it lit. And waved it back and fourth in that "I am so moved by this concert" sort of way. "Encore?" I swear, I could have spread that sarcasm on toast it was so thick. I wonder what sarcasm would taste like? Probably a lot like cranberries…

My face must have been as red as my shirt. It didn't have the really cool cross-stitches, but then again, I didn't like needles. ESPECIALLY in my face. Piercings are an exception; I guess that's kind of hypocritical or twisted logic or some unimportant crap like that.

What mattered most right then was that INTRUDER. He needed to get OUT of my basement before I whipped out my awesome beat-down skills. That's what I told him, and he honestly didn't look impressed.

Actually, he kind of laughed at me.

My face once again resembled my shirt. Only this time I think I was making some pretty strange noises through my teeth. I ran a hand up my arm, to roll up my sleeve, but my shirt was sleeveless anyway so it didn't matter. "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE."

"Nu-uh. Your mom let me in." Oh, see? I KNEW it. "And she makes REALLY good cookies." Okay, well, he had me there.

"Alright, FINE, get the cookies and THEN Get. Out. Of. My. House." I punctuated each word with a push, shoving him to the door would have been easier if he hadn't have had martial arts training or whatever. His feet were ROOTED TO THE GROUND.

He kind of laughed at me again.

I'm pretty sure the smoke I envisioned coming out of my ears was carcinogenic… I hoped he'd choke on it and gave him my dirtiest look.

"Aaaw, what's the matter, tech-freak, not used to having visitors?" He mouthed the words "anti-social" at me.

"Why are you even HERE?" I was still pointing at the door as if he would just get up and go. If he DID get up and go, I envisioned myself shooting a little laser beam at him out of my finger to reduce him to a pile of ash, which did wonders for my mood.

"To bug you." He shrugged and scratched his hair. Wonderful. The enemy had infiltrated the base to "bug" me.

That bug-spray in the back cabinet looked REALLY inviting. I can't stand that guy. Anymore smart-alec comments from him and I'd have to go into a long inner-monologue of comical angst, which I do at various points during my day, any day of the week. In retrospect I complain a lot. Also in retrospect, I don't care if I complain a lot. I have a talent for acting, and that doubles my coolness factor.

I puffed up my chest and deepened my voice, looming over him (which wasn't too hard, he's almost four inches shorter than me) and putting all the coldness I could muster into my eyes. "We're on opposite sides, you can't just come and bug me. THERE WILL BE RETRIBUTION." I must say, the manic laugh I inserted right there was really ominous. It was a perfect performance.  
I just didn't get the reaction I wanted.

He laughed at me. Not kind of this time. He was rolling on the floor, tears streaming down his face, the whole package. "Do it again, that was freaking FUNNY man!"

"I am not FUNNY, I am SERIOUS." Okay, I admit, maybe I WAS hamming it up a bit, but couldn't the guy take a hint? If this resorted to name-calling (like I didn't see THAT a million miles away, it ALWAYS ends in name-calling) I would show no mercy. I would lash out with my extended vocabulary and destroy his soul.  
He got up and GRINNED at me… why was he grinning? WHY? I deepened my voice again. "I will wipe that grin off of your face and feed it to you, pitiful tanned mortal!"

If I kept this up he would die of suffocation, which wasn't really a bad deal. I glared lightning AND thunder at the same time, because I'm just that cool. "I DARE you to keep laughing." Big surprise, he took the dare… I had him rolling. Victory was right before my eyes, at last, MY ARCH NEMESIS DEFEATED and only at the cost of my dignity, not bad. Most villains have to lose an arm to get this kind of conquest.

I did my best to look as smug as possible, which only made him laugh more. That just ruined the mood, couldn't he see that I HAD HIM RIGHT WHERE I WANTED HIM? I decided to strike while he was weak and tackled him.

It was an epic battle, really, like something out of a Bruce Lee movie, only it lasted about two seconds. I think he threw me across the room and into my couch, which kind of stunned me. It was part of the plan, to lure him into a false sense of security.

Yeah…

He walked all the way around so he could peek over the BACK of the couch and laugh at me. HOW COULD SOMEONE LAUGH SO MUCH? It wasn't natural.

"I win again."

The sound I made at him, there's no witty way to describe it, it defies regular description, too. Sorry to disappoint.

"You CHEATED, I KNOW you CHEATED."

He dropped a little box on my chest and turned to leave. "Happy Birthday, dork-o."  
That completed my defeat. I had forgotten my own birthday, AND NOT ONLY THAT, but my arch nemesis remembered it.

Wow. I should win something.

So it turned out to not be a "just one of those days day". It was actually kind of fun, when it comes down to it… Like I'm ever going to say that to his face.

Maybe if I'm feeling generous, I'll thank him.

I got up and watched him depart; squishing his head between my fingers… too bad it didn't work. Optical illusions are so disappointing.

"Can I come and hang out again some time?"

"If you can get past my STATE OF THE ART SECURITY, LOSER." I yelled, shaking a fist threateningly. This guy would NOT LEAVE, like one of those dumb songs that get's stuck in your head.

He kind of laughed at me, then grinned over his shoulder.

He'd be back someday.

Next time that loser had better bring pizza or I'd unleash my full power on him.


End file.
